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I’m about to get really judgy. Sorry.
I want to understand what has happened to birthdays. They used to be simple and stress-free. Now, they are beyond elaborate. People go all out! I’ve been to birthday parties with seven-tiered cakes, professional photographers, and step-and-repeats. People fly across the country or even the world for birthdays. They fly their friends in for birthdays. Simple decorations from the Dollar Store no longer cut it – now you have to spend hundreds of dollars at fancy stationery stores on things that light up, spin, float, and fly.
I get it if you’re turning 75 or 100. If you make it that far, you should get festive with your bad self. But for run-of-the-mill, prime number birthdays? I’m a bit at a loss. “You’re 41. Um, congrats, I guess? But . . . you’re not the only person to ever have a birthday.” [1]
I get myself in trouble for this sentiment. I’ve damaged relationships by skipping birthday parties. For example, during hurricane Irene, I couldn’t get out of NYC due to cancelled trains. When I reported the news that I would miss a friend’s party, I was met with a long pause followed by an incredulous voice: “But did you tell them it was my birthday?!” We parted ways shortly thereafter.
All for a day that happens for every person who does a lap around the sun, every single year.
But it wasn’t always like this. Things were simpler a few decades ago. Say, oh, I don’t know, in the 90s. Let’s check into my birthday party in 1993 to see how we did it back then:
Birthdays in the 90s involved cake and ice cream, party hats, and, if you were feeling wild, the occasional pack of streamers. They were no-pressure celebrations, and they were just as enjoyable as the Instagram-worthy gatherings so many of us find ourselves at today.
My 1993 birthday fit this description. I had a bunch of girlfriends over to my house for movies and finger foods. We didn’t make it through even one movie because we ended up talking the entire time, which I suppose wasn’t surprising for a tween party. We munched on pizza, chicken fingers, and tater tots. I’m sure there was cake, too, because I wouldn’t have forgiven my family if there hadn’t been. But that’s about as diva as things got. And you know what? I had a blast.
The next day, I opened my gifts, which were simple and appropriate for a preteen. A couple of people gave me teeny bopper jewelry and perfume, but I don’t remember the specifics of those items or what I ultimately did with them. What I do remember is that one of my friends got me the Ace of Base album, “The Sign,” which had just been released. It was, in theory (I’ll explain), a great gift because Ace of Base were becoming huge in that moment.
Everyone enjoyed Ace of Base, and “The Sign” was their most successful album in the U.S. [2] They rose to fame at lightning speed and, according to the band’s website today, are in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the best-selling debut album of all time. Admittedly, the popularity of the band at first felt a little random. I was born after the age of ABBA, so the fact that these Swedish siblings (plus a fourth guy, Ulf Ekberg) could sail over the Atlantic and top our charts felt significant. I’m sure many of my peers felt the same wonder at the sudden splash they made. But the secret to their success soon became clear: their songs, often characterized as a mix of pop and reggae, were undeniably catchy, featuring unique electronic beats and melodies that made you want to sing and move along.
The first hit single was “All that She Wants.” It got in your head – in a good way. But the chorus confused me. The lyrics depict a woman who uses her lovers and does not stick around. The song warns, “She’s gone tomorrow, boy” and “The morning means goodbye.” Seems pretty straightforward. But the chorus then repeats, “All that she wants is another baby.” What did they mean by “baby”? Was this a conquest to add to the subject’s long list of lovers? Or was she trying to have an actual baby? That would be confusing because of the word “another” – the song doesn’t mention that she already has kids. In fact, it starts with “She leads a lonely life,” which to me implies she’s solo (or at least unfulfilled). Maybe she once had a baby and is looking to replace her long lost child? This debate distracted me, but eventually I stopped questioning and just enjoyed the song. I was especially amused by the back-up singing, which included one band member surreptitiously whispering, “All that she wants,” and another dramatically howling, “Is another baby,” at the end.
On the heels of “All That She Wants” came “The Sign,” a lightweight tune with a more detectable reggae influence. “The Sign” is a great break-up song, featuring a melody that felt truly joyful and lyrics like “You would hardly recognize me / I’m so glad” and “I saw the sign and it opened up my mind / and I am happy now / living without you.” [3] It made much more sense to me than “All That She Wants,” although I wasn’t old enough to have gone through a break-up (or a relationship) at that point, so my appreciation was focused on the sentiment of what it means to bounce back. It would be a great song at the end of a non-traditional Rom Com, something to play as the credits start to roll and our hero or heroine is shown embarking on a better life.
Anyway, I describe the album as a good gift “in theory” because I ultimately didn’t keep it. After all, I knew only a handful of songs, and I could purchase more music if I traded the full album in for several singles. I was not yet mature enough in my music appreciation to realize that listening to a complete album could introduce me to additional tracks that I might enjoy. Instead, I was busy calculating how to get the most value out of the $13.99 price. Having one single from Ace of Base in addition to hit singles from other artists I liked seemed to be the right trade. [4] Such were the decisions us 90s kids had to make.
* * *
I loved my Ace of Base birthday. I didn’t memorialize it with pictures. I have no remaining gifts from it. I didn’t have professional entertainment. But the snacks, music, and company were the right combo for celebrating another year under my belt – and they still are. The simplicity of that type of party means we don’t get caught up in overly staged and highly performative events. Instead, we immerse ourselves in the occasion and focus on the people surrounding us. I don’t have any “big number” birthdays coming up any time soon, but if anyone wants to invite me to a stay-at-home-and-eat-snacks-and-gab birthday, well . . . if you make sure there’s cake, I’ll bring the Swedish pop.
[1] I’m not proposing we cease rejoicing. I am thankful every time a loved one’s birthday comes around. But I think we’ve at least somewhat lost our focus on what birthdays symbolize and why they matter.
[2] Ace of Base had more limited success with their follow-up work. 1995’s “Beautiful Life,” off of their second album, was a popular club jam, but the group’s popularity started to wane soon after this one. By the way, it’s worth watching the video for “Beautiful Life.” It starts with a woman yawning, and then the Ace of Base band members, encapsulated in bubbles, float out of her mouth. Do you need to know more? Click that link!
[3] My 90s ladies need to take a page out of Ace of Base’s book when it comes to relationships. Of course, the band undid a bit of their “moving on” wisdom in “Don’t Turn Around,” another hit from their first album.
[4] Have you gone back to peruse the singles from 1993? The list is gold. Just to give you a little taste: 1993 saw hits such as “Weak” by SWV, “Informer” by Snow, and “Mr. Wendal” by Arrested Development. Oh, and I know what you’re thinking, but one of the singles I got after returning “The Sign” wasn’t “How Do You Talk to an Angel” from the short-lived television series “The Heights.” Definitely not. Ahem.