Share this
I’m not done complaining about the mixed-up messaging we got about love in the 90s. I’ve already touched on the desperation and over-worship that some female artists of the decade exuded. Their songs made love seem like a torture we should actively seek, and they suggested women could and should be overpowered by it.
Then there’s the issue of managing expectations. For example, 90s music videos portrayed shockingly young teenage pop queens strutting about in skimpy school-girl uniforms and genie pants, peering out seductively from under layers of provocative makeup. This was far from an accurate depiction of the typical teenage girl back then. I for one could not have transformed into such a temptress even if I had a pair of genie pants and the actual genie to go with them. But! The guys didn’t have it much easier. Because while the pop princesses were portraying unrealistic images of young women, the boy bands were giving us this:
The boys in my homeroom looked more like this:
Simply put, the 90s boy bands, and their creators, sold us a fantasy of male affection. Looking back on it, it is very tempting to think that these chest-thumping, muscled poets, who were purportedly willing to go more than the distance to give us whatever we desired, set us all up for major letdown. Heck, they might have even ruined men for some of us. After all, our future partners would never be able to live up to their image.
Well, today we reclaim reality – and it’s not what you think. It turns out that the boy bands’ message has more depth and applicability than you may have realized 25 years ago.
I get it that the entertainment industry likes to sell us fantasies, but sometimes I get annoyed at how shamelessly it takes advantage of teenage minds. The onslaught of boy bands in the 90s is a telling example. Watch one of the following videos, and I’m confident you’ll sympathize for the poor 90s teens that expected – or were expected to live up to – some pretty ridiculous standards. Any of the three will do the trick, but it’s so worth taking the time to watch all of them.
I told you it’d be fun.
Now for the analysis. Let’s begin with the clothing color pallet. What’s with all the white? Perhaps the “clean cut” look was meant to provide a welcomed contrast to the grungy, grimy look of the 90s. Or maybe uniformity among the band members raised their individual hunk quotients. Whatever the purpose, it feels so cliché now, and I cannot believe that any of us fell for it back then.
Moving on to the dance moves. To coordinate or not to coordinate? Backstreet and 98° appeared to freestyle, with the group uniting for slow walk-n-snaps towards the camera. The *NSYNC members were, cutely, in sync with one another. And I guess it’s always a good idea to throw in a mid-song leap (see above videos, Backstreet at 3:10 and *NSYNC at 1:22). But really, any choreography would have done the trick. These guys could have rolled right out of a four-star Star Search performance or had two left feet. They’d still have been served up to 90s teenage girls as ideal mates.
Now for my favorite touch: the solo band member strumming an acoustic guitar. Come on. Like we really believe that he penned the tune and then recruited a bunch of similarly sensitive pals to help him croon it out. Or that any of the members can play an instrument at all.[1] We all know the truth: some music executive saw dollar signs in these guys and got to work honing their six packs, goatees, and lip-syncing skills.
I’ve been very superficial up to this point. After all, isn’t it the substance that counts when it comes to love? Well, yes, and that just crystalizes my point. I mean, how many soulful stares and passionate pleas can you pack into a two-verse track? The above songs test the limit. With lines like “Everything I do is for you,”[2] “I am down on my knees/I can’t take it anymore,”[3] and “You’re the cure against my fear and my pain,”[4] these songs had teenage girls in full-swoon mode.
Of course, none of this was real. But the boy band seduction made us believe that, even if most guys we encountered in the real world were not very emotionally expressive, the “sensitive type” did exist, and so we should simply hold out for that.
I’d love to say that I rolled my eyes, or that, gee, I just can’t remember what I thought back then. But I recall this invasion quite clearly, and yeah, I did get excited when Nick Carter ran his hand through his curtains. I watched these videos and thought, “Someone totally devoted to me, ready to swallow his pride if it means winning my love . . . is totally right around the corner.” Like many other girls, I wholeheartedly felt it was worth waiting for him. I was taught to want it, and for a shy 90s girl, the boy band fantasy created a convenient excuse to crawl even further into my shell and hunker down while I awaited my white-wearing stud muffin.
Ummmmm. Hope no one’s still waiting. I’m not saying there are absolutely no real-life Adonis-like men eager to belt their hearts out or perform their feelings through dance. But . . . I do feel comfortable stating that most men on this earth will not live up to this near-impossible standard.
So why does this continue to happen? I mean, boy groups like this have experienced success for decades. The easy answer is that they sell well. Girls – and grown women – eat this stuff up. But let’s take it further: Why do we do that? Well, maybe what these songs truly stand for isn’t so far-fetched after all. Maybe they’re proclaiming what we already know to be true.
Hear me out: respect and love come in many forms. I think we can agree that a guy in a wet t-shirt drowning in his own tears is actually not one of them. He may be nice to look at, but he’s not particularly helpful, and his sex appeal can’t generate support, convey partnership, or provide emotional safety. But he does want to please you – and if he wants to please you, you must be worth pleasing.
Perhaps the boy bands aren’t there to teach us what we could have or should want but are instead trying to show us what we are worth. Intentionally or not, the boy bands teach us to value ourselves and have faith that someone who loves us will do the same. A morning cup of freshly brewed coffee, extra snooze minutes, or a thoughtfully planned date night? Those are all realistic actions to expect or want, and they make many women feel deeply loved and cared for. There are of course many other similarly accessible manifestations of devotion. The thing to keep in mind is that we should ask for them and for whatever else we want and need – because someone out there is ready and willing to give it to us.
This has been a post for the ladies . . . and the men – the real, existing, attainable men – who love them. xxox
[1] That was unfair. Just because you’re cast in the role of “beefcake” doesn’t mean you don’t have some musical talents.
[2] Not to be confused with the uber popular Bryan Adams hit, “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You,” which served as the theme song for the movie, “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” and topped the charts back in 1991. Although that song also has a bunch of crazy promises in it.
[3] Call Natalie. She knows a thing or two about this, and she’s also torn up from it.
[4] It was really hard to pick a line from this song because there were so many that rung with near-pathetic longing.