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I hit my preteen years right as grunge music had its moment. The consequence? It was the soundtrack of my most formative years. This happened because, even though grunge wasn’t exactly what one might think of when one imagined popular music, many Top 40 stations played grunge constantly. They played it despite the fact that grunge is . . . kind of angry music. If you remember the MTV videos, there’s some pretty disturbing imagery: twisted clowns; disheveled cheerleaders; a classroom suicide. No one’s loving life in a grunge music video. No one’s pitching the amazingness of love . . . or even sex. There is no laughter. People are bitter, even enraged. It’s raw and somber and . . . let’s just say most people wouldn’t turn to 90s music to cheer up. And yet, I do.
Now, I pretty much didn’t relate at all to what was going on in these songs or music videos. But I related to the attitude. Grunge felt like an answer to the over-the-top hair bands of the 80s, to the bursts of color and shininess that saturated the previous decade, to over-enthusiasm. Grunge seemed to say, “Hey, the truth is that everything’s actually a little less than stellar.” It came across as a rebellion – a kind of “you all need to wake up, get real . . . , and leave me alone.”
Which is very much how I felt at the time. As a young adult, I, like so many teens, did not feel that I “fit in.” Part of the challenge was that I was completely unwilling to break the rules. I was content to stay out of trouble – I didn’t need unnecessary drama in my life. But this also caused friction with my friends. They felt I was judging them. And I was. But I didn’t see my stance as that of a goodie-two-shoes. Instead, in my mind, I was being a badass rebel myself because I didn’t do what everyone else was doing. Yep, that’s what I told myself to shore up my reserves and resist the peer pressure, and grunge music felt like my support system.
It feels a little ridiculous looking back on it. But at the time, the members of my adopted grunge family were angry and pissed and doing their own thing – and no one bothered them. In fact, people respected them for it. So I decided to be that way too. I just . . . smiled more. And so today, despite being a generally content and upbeat person, if you swing by while I’m working or cooking or cleaning, you’re likely to get a healthy dose of STP, Soundgarden, or Pearl Jam. You’ll probably catch me humming along to some Sirius XM Lithium. Or you’ll have to tolerate me whining with Candlebox or Alice in Chains. None of the music is joyous, but when it hits my ears, it lifts my (teen) spirit.